I have been through it !

wp-1481377221782.jpg

Stupid. Haha well yes, that’s me. I am a normal teenage girl with normal daily routine. College and home are my ultimate destinations. Food makes me happy. I love spending time in my phone so yeah, I’m like everybody else out there.

Being a teenager is quite harder than I expected it to be. I’ve been through a lot of psychological traumas since I was a kid. Let’s not discuss this thing here.

Talking about the pain, there’s a common pain we might have been through that is a heart break. Heart break, huh? At the age of 17 ? Well, yes I had one when I was 15 and I wonder if that really was heartbreak or a pain you get when you can’t find your notes which you’ve to submit tomorrow at any cost. I am sorry, if any of my relative is reading this. 

At the age of 16 when, I had no idea about the world… I didn’t know about this cruel world, fake friends and things like these you know here and there, I fell for a guy not falling completely but had a crush on him. Not going to make things obvious because he knows the thing but others don’t so, let it be a secret. As secret as America’s book of secrets. 

So I had crush on one of my collegue not right away but after knowing him, it took some time. I’ve always been a loner, a loner with lots of friends. I was there alone, in a familiar crowd but all lost and hurt and hopeless. Things were getting worse but I was okay, I don’t remember if I was really okay or pretending to be okay because it seems like long gone. And my so called former crush was there talking to me everyday, he made me addicted to himself without making me realize myself.

He was the one I used to wait for, could talk about everything and share everything indeed he really is a great guy. In fact he is one of the best people, I’ve ever met. It was winter and christmas was around the corner, we’re talking and conversation went so deep that I didn’t realize it was 3am. I was already self centered and he was telling me to focus on myself, studies and let go all the past… Gosh, I’m embarassed those talks were of another level.

Things were going on normally, we were friends. Flirting? I was getting quite good at it because of him and one night I decided to confess it. I confessed and was rejected as well but that didn’t hurt because I was expecting the similar response. Maybe I really wasn’t into him and I thank god for it because if I were, nobody knows how hurt my pride would have been. 

I was supposed to be heartbroken but I wasn’t, I wasn’t even bruised. That was when, I felt like how a bird feels when he gets to fly free in the infinite sky after staying in a cage for months, it surely was a great feeling. Thing that bounded me for so long was finally broken and I was set free. It’s not like I was bounded back then but it was a strange feeling as if I got my freedom back after ages.

I admit, I was quite hurt and few drops of water rolled down my cheeks but I was okay, really okay because I am strong and brave. He taught me a lot, overall it was a beautiful expercience. The butterflies inside my stomach evolved and died inside me, blame him dear butterflies not me, okay? But you need to consider he was the one who gave you birth so he somehow has right to kill you as well. Atleast I didn’t end up being ‘Devdas.’ And yes thank you dear former crush for all the good time, I guess it’s time to let go the feelings. 

I will make sure to distribute the love, I have for you to distribute to people around me. In case, you’re reading this THANK YOU ! Thank you for all those butterflies and crushwala moments I got to feel because of you. I’ve always been thankful to have you by my side and I always will. I will be here incase you need me and hope the friendship we share to stay forever.

Scattered life: scattered words !

wp-1482400147943.jpg

Moving beneath the night sky of Autumn over the dead leaves, surrounded by the pitch of silence. It was the time she was suddenly haunted by the intense thorns of realization. Right then she knew no matter what, the destiny will never be in her favor. She knew she has to go through this heartbreak without any complains.

She was about to say something but he stopped her. The tears started to roll over her cheeks. Perhaps they were the words left unspoken. She wanted to say a lot but she stopped herself. He hugged her for the last time,kissed her forehead for the last time while he could the tears falling down her cheeks to his neck. Mumbled words, a little love, and a little guilt was something he had. But all she was left with was broken heart and scattered life. The future,their goal was what made them to fall apart.

With silent tongue and broken hearts along with the slow dancing of stars, with the decaying of the leaves, with a cold breeze that reached their soul, they hugged each other for the last time. She spoke her last words, “thank you for everything” with the bloody red eyes, as red as mars before entering into her house. She tried to remove the pain by crying a river for weeks. That was when they were about to start the new chapter of their own lives into different directions with a hope of never facing each other ever again.

Years have passed, he moved on, so did she. She’s found somebody whom she loves, she cherishes, she cares. Yes, she’s found herself. She could not be her first love, but she thanks her first love for helping her find her own self,her lost soul. She’s happy with herself and laughs at the night they departed. But, in the darkest corner of her heart she has locked her emotions. She recalls the memories and the melody of guitar under the infinite stars. Remembers the glory of promises kept yet broken, vows taken yet not kept. When no lies were told and no hearts were broken ! 

At times things left unspoken speak volumes.

Happiness

You know what happiness is? 

It is you.

It is the first time you  tied your shoe lace.

It is your first friend. Doesn’t matter if you can’t remember who it was.

It is your favorite pink bag.

It is getting hurt while learning to ride cycle.

It is a bed time story.

It is hiding inside a blanket to save yourself from monsters. Amazing how we trusted our blankets more than we trusted the walls of our house,right?

It is stealing things from your siblings.

It is the cushion fort you made.

It is the last piece of chocolate.

It is the fight with your siblings for remote.

It is talking with your best friend after fight.

It is the dreams that you see when you’re awake. Not to mention,it might haunt you sometime.

It is not having to set the alarm for next day. A good night sleep! 

It is solving the numericals you were stuck at.

It is your favorite novel.

It is your favorite piece of jeans.

It is your first picnic.

It is your first love when love only meant playing with each others toys.

It is your first heartbreak. Remember how that guy from school broke your heart?

It is your first sleepless night.

It is the first day of college. A little nervousness, a little excitement, a little proud moment.

It is the butterflies in your stomach when you see your crush.

It is your first date. Too nervous?

It is graduating.

It is your first salary.

It is hanging out with friends.

It is devotion and responsibility.

It is your first encounter with nature and feeling the cold breeze touching your skin.

It is living the moment.

and many more. Time you enjoy wasting is never a time wasted. Happiness is always an inside job. Happiness is the little things in your life,you can’t even see. While pursuing the big dreams we don’t even see the little happy moments. It lies within you,has no boundaries. Just find things that make you happy and there you go wild and free like never before. Don’t let yourself down because of others opinion, you’re much more capable of doing things than you think.

  1. “It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”
    Lucille Ball

The moment you decide to be you,there is joy there is a warm hug from life. Circumstances and life situations might not cooperate with you forever but you are much more bigger than them,overcome them. You may not always end of finding happiness but that doesn’t matter,what matters is the little moment you created,you enjoyed while trying to achieve it. I believe happiness is luck but it’s not something you can’t create. 

Find what you enjoy. Find what you like. Find yourself. Good luck !

Maybe she’s responsible

            Exchanging glances with the other girl of her age, both of them seemed quite the same. The only difference was one of them was inside the bars of foster and the other was there playing with her friends.

Had the one inside the foster been rescued on time she wouldn’t be behind the bars fearing every male she sees. Had she been rescued on time she might have enjoyed her childhood as the others. Had she been rescued on time she might have parents.

‘A girl of 9 raped and left to die’ hit the front page of national daily 3 years ago. Parents stopped the search for her daughter because of the society, people talked about the issue for few days, raised the voice against criminal. Days passed, everyone forgot everything but there was that innocent soul who didn’t know what was happening.

Chaos, cameras,interviews she wanted to escape all of them, she just wanted her parents to be with her. Time passed,parents moved on but she still kept hoping,one day they will return to take her home. Nothing will be same to her ever again.

Soul burning with the affiliation of injustice and wrenching pain.

She tried to figure out things but couldn’t. The one who had enthusiasm to conquer the world in now crying in a corner of a little dark room. She’s weaker than ever, screaming for nothing,asking for nothing but her parents. Scream lost on the laughter of monsters, who look like decent humans. She has scars over her body but her soul is affected the most. 

Today is her birthday but she’s nobody to celebrate it with. Who’s responsible ? The parents,the criminals, the society or that innocent soul?  Of course the parents, right? How can somebody just leave their child when she needed them the most? But it wasn’t the parents, it was the society,the fear of not being able to get their dignity back. The fear dominated the love yet again.

Above all of this,the question remains the same. What was her fault? Why was she punished for the crime she didn’t even commit? What did she do to violate the norms and values? “She didn’t do anything” that’s what everyone is going to say.

Talking about my view. I guess it’s her fault. “How?” It’s her fault that she took birth in this society. It’s her fault that she trusted her brother’s friend. It’s her fault that she wanted to play outside. It’s her fault that she wanted friends. She should have locked herself inside her house like she is locked inside a foster home now,unable to do anything, unable to play,unable to study and let everything pass away like it’s been passing since long long ago. Maybe she’s the one responsible for her condition.